Why don’t people change? It can be confusing!
Over the course of my many years counseling individuals and couples, I have come to recognize 5 REASONS PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE.
Do you recognize any?
1. Little Motivation To Change
Most people lack the motivation to change until their life and/or relationship is sufficiently broken. For marriages, it is often too late. Why so little motivation?
People, by and large, don’t like change. Change creates stress. Ask anyone that has remodeled their home, changed a job, or altered their diet.
Change requires you to invest resources like time, emotions, money and mental & physical energy. There is a cost. Without a big enough stick or a desirable enough carrot as a motivator, change often doesn’t happen.
The 1st reason people don’t change is that their problem is not bad enough to motivate them to change.
2. Lack Insight About Need to Change
“They don’t get it!!!” Have you ever thought this as you watch a friend or family member continue to make the same mistake over and over again? It can be maddening!
The psychological term for “not getting it” is Lack of Insight. Often, the sentiment of the ‘insight-challenged’ is “I don’t have a problem, it’s everyone else!” They think others need to change, not them.
People that change are growth oriented. They are looking to see how they can change for the better. They are open.
The 2nd reason people don’t change is they lack insight about their self and how they could grow.
3. Not enough “Will”- Power to Change
Do you have a strong “Will”? ‘Will’ is an inner muscle. A strong ‘Will’ powers you to do something that you know is best, when tempted to compromise and do what is easy.
People that don’t change, have a weak ‘Will’. They lack the inner strength to put off momentary gratification in order to do what’s in their long-term interest. Without a strong enough ‘Will’ change is not possible.
The 3rd reason people don’t change is they lack the necessary ‘Will’ power.
4. Won’t ‘Do’ What’s Necessary to Change
What do you think influences change most … thinking, feelings or actions? As brilliant or as passionate a person you might be, change is not possible without action. People are human ‘Doings’! If you ‘Do’ anything most days and over a long enough period, you will become what you “Do”. REALLY! People that don’t change continue to do the same things day-after-day.
To change, you must practice doing things differently … often very differently!
The 4th reason people don’t change is they won’t take action and ‘Do’ things differently in order to get a different result.
5. Can’t Accept Imperfections to Allow for Change
One of the greatest life lessons my daughter learned came from an acting coach. The lesson was called “Embracing the Suck”.
The teaching point was, when on stage, you are going to make mistakes. When you do, embrace it … make light of it, smile and maybe say, “Ta Da!”
Life is a stage. You’re not going to be perfect. To change and grow, you must accept this reality and push through negative feelings like embarrassment. The show must go on!
The 5th reason people don’t change is they haven’t learned to accept their imperfections and keep smiling when they are less than perfect.
Change is best done in relationship with others. We all need support, encouragement and helpful accountability. This is especially true when you want to change an area that is more challenging. Webb Counseling & Associates offer “Change Groups”. Click here for details!
Why do you think people don’t change? Do you have some helpful ideas for those trying to make a change?
Please share with us in the comment section below!
Thanks for reading!!!